Gettin' Saucy

Last night, I taught a class at Whole Foods entitled "The Mother Sauces". What are "mother sauces", you ask? They are the basic sauces used as foundations for hundreds of variations. If you've spent any amount of time in a kitchen, it's likely you've made a version and just didn't know it (such was the case for me, anyway). What a daunting preparation it turned out to be! Those French are some picky folk. My first hurdle was picking which sauces I'd prepare. Simple enough, right? Not so much. As I researched, I'd find one source that list four "mothers", another would list six, another five. Um, OK. One source would say vinaigrette was most definately not a mother sauce, another would insist it was. These mothers were turning out to be quite a mother.

I finally threw up my hands and said to myself, "Self, you're going to do what the hell you want. Damn the French*!" So, as many a snooty dead French chefs rolled in their graves, I chose my own list: bechamel, viloute, espagnole, hollaindaise & mayonnaise. Becha-who? Espa-wha? Don't lose me, please. These sauces aren't nearly as fancy-pants as their names suggest. OK, so us Americans killed any fanciness mayonnaise may've had when someone ceated a recipe for potato salad with cut up hotdog mixed in. Like many French foods, these sauces ingredients are humble ones: butter, flour, milk, stock, eggs. Anyone who's got the gumption can make them. Give it a try. Yes, you may ruin three recipes of mayonnaise before you get it right, as I did last night. The difference between your attempts and mine would be you can toss the cheap oil and eggs down the drain only being shamed by your three year old kid, or your dog, or your giggling, mocking significant other (why don't THEY try and make this stuff?!?!). Me? In front of 20 eager class participants. Good times. Good times. What it comes down to it, when you hear yourself saying "I don't want to make that because I might ruin it". Ask yourself, "Self? So what?" It's worth a try, as the results are soooo delish!!!

*My apologies to the French. I love you all and your crisp baguettes, big fluffy pink pastries, tubs of butter & gallons of wine. You're my people. I gotchu.


Béchamel Sauce

Ingredients

2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup milk
Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste

Directions
1. Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir in flour and cook over medium,stirring constantly, until mixture is smooth and bubbly, about 1 to 2 minutes.
2. Stir in milk or other liquid. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Sausage Gravy

Ingredients:

1 pound breakfast sausage links
2 tablespoons flour
2 cups milk
Salt
and pepper, to taste

Directions:
1. Remove sausages from their casings, and break into small pieces,
2. Cook sausage in a medium pan over medium-high heat until browned.
3. Place sausage on a paper towel-lined plate to drain, reserving 2 tablespoons of the rendered sausage fat.
4. In a saucepan set over medium heat, add the sausage fat and flour, and stirring often, cook for 1 to 2 minutes until mixture is smooth and bubbly.
5. Stir in milk. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute.
6. Stir in the reserved sausage and season to taste with salt and lots of pepper.

Veloute Sauce

Ingredients
2 tablespoons butter or butter substitute
2 tablespoons flour
2 cups chicken, fish, or vegetable
Salt & pepper, to taste

Directions
1. Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir in flour and cook over medium,stirring constantly, until mixture is smooth and bubbly, about 1 to 2 minutes.
2. Slowly stir in stock. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Reduce the heat to low and cook for 5 minutes,stirring occasionally. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Mushroom Sauce

Ingredients
1 16 oz container mushrooms, sliced (portabella mushrooms are great for this recipe)
1 shallot, minced
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons flour
2 cups chicken, fish or vegetable stock
¼ c chopped parsley
salt and pepper, to taste

Directions
1. Cook mushrooms and shallot in olive oil in a pan set over medium-high heat until browned, about 7 minutes.
2. Sprinkle flour over mushrooms and add the butter. Cook until butter is melted and flour has been incorporated with the butter, about 3 minutes.
3. Pour stock on mushroom mixture, stirring constantly, and cook until stock is bubbly and thickened,about 3 minutes. Stir in parsley. Add
salt and pepper, to taste.
4. Serve over chicken, rice or pasta.

Chicken Stock

Ingredients
1 5-7 lb chicken, cleaned
and trimmed of excess fat
10 cups cold water, or
enough to cover the chicken
1 large onion, quartered
4 stalks celery
4 carrots
1 bouquet garni (1 bay leaf, 3 sprigs thyme, a few parsley stems, celery leaves and 10 peppercorns wrapped in cheesecloth and tied closed)
1 T. Salt, plus more to taste

Directions
1. Place all ingredients in a large stock pot and cover with water.
2. Place pot over medium-high heat and bring to simmer, but do not boil.
3. Reduce heat to medium low and allow stock to simmer a minimum of 1.5 hours or up to 6 hours.
4. As the stock simmers, use a spoon to skim off any fat or impurities that may rise to the
surface.
5. Once at least 1.5 hours have passed, and the chicken is cooked through, taste for seasoning and add salt if necessary.
6. When stock is finished cooking, remove chicken from pot, let cool slightly and remove meat from bones to be used for another purpose.
7. Strain the stock through a mesh strainer, discard vegetables and bouquet garni, and store in sealed container(s) in refrigerator for up to 5 days or freezer for up to 3 months.

Hollandaise Sauce

Recipe adapted from America’s Test Kitchen Family Cookbook

Ingredients
3 egg yolks
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
16 tablespoons (2 sticks) unsalted butter,
melted
hot water
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
salt and pepper, to taste

Directions:
1. Place egg yolks and lemon juice in a blender,
and blend until smooth, about 10 seconds.
2. While the blender is running, slowly drizzle in
half of the butter until very thick, about 1 ½ minutes.
3. Add 2 teaspoons hot water, and then slowly blend in the rest of the butter, for about 1 minute.
4. Blend in additional water, 1 teaspoon at a time, until the sauce coats the back of a wooden spoon.
5. Stir in cayenne and salt and pepper, to taste.
6. Serve over eggs, fish or vegetables.

Mayonnaise

Recipe adapted from America’s Test Kitchen Cookbook

Ingredients

2 egg yolks, beaten
4 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1/8 teaspoon sugar
¾ cup vegetable oil
Salt & pepper, to taste

Directions
1. Place yolks, lemon juice & sugar in a blender
and with the machine running, slowly drizzle in the oil in a slow stream for
about 30 seconds.
2. Stop the blender and scrape down the sides. Blend an additional 5 seconds and add salt and pepper, to taste.

Espagnole Sauce

Recipe adapted from epicurious.com

Ingredients

1 small carrot, coarsely
chopped
1 medium onion, coarsely
chopped
1/2 stick (1/4 cup) unsalted
butter
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
4 cups hot brown stock or beef stock
1/4 cup canned tomato purée
2 large garlic cloves,
coarsely chopped
1 celery rib, coarsely
chopped
1/2 teaspoon whole black
peppercorns
1 bay leaf

Directions
1. Cook carrot and onion in butter in a 3-quart heavy saucepan over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until golden, 7 to 8
minutes.
2. Add flour and cook roux over moderately low heat, stirring constantly, until medium brown, 6 to 10 minutes. Add hot stock in a fast stream, whisking constantly to prevent lumps, then add tomato purée,garlic, celery, peppercorns, and bay leaf and bring to a boil, stirring.
3. Reduce heat and cook at a bare simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until reduced to about 3 cups, about 45 minutes.
4. Pour sauce through a fine-mesh sieve into a bowl, discarding solids.


Brown Stock

Recipe adapted from foodtv.com

Ingredients
7 pounds beef bones, sawed into 2-inch pieces
1 (6-ounce) can tomato paste
2 cups chopped onions
1 cup chopped celery
1 cup chopped carrot
2 cups dry red wine
20 peppercorns
5 bay leaves
1 teaspoon dried leaf thyme
1 1/2 gallons water

Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Place the bones on a roasting pan and roast for 1 hour.
2. Remove the oven and brush with the tomato paste. Lay the vegetables over the bones. Return to the oven and roast for 30 minutes.
3. Place the pan on the stove and with the wine, scraping the bottom of the pan for browned particles. Put this mixture in a large stock pot. Add the peppercorns, garlic, water and herbs. Season with salt. Bring the liquid up to a boil and reduce to a simmer.
4. Cook for 4 hours. Remove from the heat and skim off any fat that has risen to the surface. Strain the liquid and discard the bones.


Demi Glaze

Ingredients

2 cups brownstock
2 cups espagnole sauce

Directions
1. Combine the brown sauce and the espagnole in a heavy-bottomed saucepan.
2. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then lower heat to a simmer.
3. Reduce for about 20 minutes or until the total volume has reduced by half.
4. Remove pan from heat. Carefully pour the demi-glace through a wire mesh strainer lined with a piece of cheesecloth.

Truffle Love

Truffles can be mushrooms or they can be a decadent & rich, yet almost embarrassingly simple confection. I love making the latter during Christmastime. I've made quite a few varieties over the years: simple chocolate, coconut, orange, peppermint. This time, I decided to give white chocolate a try during my last cooking class at Whole Foods. The recipe wasn't officially on the line-up, but I thought I'd try to make them as a sort of side note.

Well, my intention was to make simple white chocolate truffles, and possibly dip them in dark chocolate ganache. What actually happened was an all-natural birth of one of the best things I've ever eaten. Seriously. I've no intention of taking credit for the awe-inspiring, goosebump-inducing treat the was created; these truffles were the result of my class participants' suggestions ("Why don't you try this? Or that?") What emerged was destined to become a regular fixture of my candy repertoire: pistachio orange white chocolate truffles.

If you are so inclined, make these little devils. However, prepare yourself. Before you take a bite, make sure you've steeled yourself and are in a seated position, because they may lead to swooning.


Pistachio Orange White Chocolate Truffles

Ingredients:

8 ounces good quality white chocolate, chopped
1/3 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Zest of 1 orange
1/2 cup finely chopped pistachios

Directions:
In a small saucepan, bring the cream to a simmer. Add the butter and stir until melted. Add the white chocolate. Stir until completely melted and smooth. Remove from the heat, stir in the vanilla and pour into a shallow bowl. Refrigerate the mixture until firm, about 2 hours.

Using a melon baller or small spoon, roll the mixture into 1-inch balls. Roll each ball in the pistachios and orange zest. Serve immediately or refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.

The Prospect of Being My Own Boss

I've spent the better part of the last twenty years working for others. I've had my share of bosses, some horrible, many just "OK", and few great. Regardless of how much I respected or liked my boss, one thing remained steadfast: I didn't like having one. I am assertive (controlling), driven (obsessive) & headstrong (stubborn). These qualities do not bode well for one being supervised. I love to boss others around, but I hate being bossed. So, when I acquired the amazing opportunity to teach cooking classes as an independent contractor, I rejoiced. When I began to contemplate creating my own food-based business, doing what I love (the cliche, yet so true, key to happiness), I began to dream of telling others what to do with wild abandon. Translation: I want it, and I want it bad.

I am slowly, cautiously, treading into the waters of catering, private cooking classes, and food planning. I've been quite hesitant to talk about this prospect, but aware that in order to make a dream a reality, you must make it public. I don't know what may happen, if I will succeed or fail. What I do know is that I'm very, very excited about the future of my professional life, and I haven't felt that for a while.

Salad! Salad! Salad!

"...once you put bacon in a salad, it's no longer a salad. It just becomes a game of 'find the bacon in the lettuce'. It's like you're panning for gold. Eureka!" -Jim Gaffigan

I had such a fun time teaching my salads class at Whole Foods this last Thursday! I adore a good salad, and the ones I chose to make were good (if I do say so myself!) and, what's more, pretty darn healthy. Finding a healthy salad, surprisingly, can be a difficult task: they're often covered in globs of mayo, layered in fried chicken or drowning in cheese. Damn. Now I'm hungry. There's nothing wrong with a little fatty-salad-lovin' from time to time, but I can tell ya, if you make my Waldorf Salad, you probably won't miss the lipids as much as you may imagine.   

Balsamic Vinaigrette & Marinade

Ingredients:

½ c extra virgin olive oil

½ c balsamic vinegar

½ shallot, finely minced

1 garlic clove, finely minced

½ t kosher salt

¼ t ground pepper

Method:

1.         Combine all ingredients in a spill-proof jar or container, attach lid and shake until ingredients are well mixed.

2.        Use as a salad dressing or as a marinade for meat, seafood, tofu or vegetables.

Tuna Tarragon Salad

Ingredients:

2 heads romaine lettuce, cut or torn into bite-sized pieces

2 cans oil-packed Italian tuna, drained

1 small red onion, sliced

1 pint cherry tomatoes, halved

3 T fresh tarragon, chopped

2 avacados, cubed

About 1 cup balsamic vinaigrette

Method:

1.         Combine all ingredients in a large salad bowl, toss with dressing & serve immediately.

Caesar Salad

Ingredients:

2 heads romaine lettuce, chopped or torn into bite-sized pieces

1 cup Parmeggiano Reggiano, grated

2 cups homemade croutons

2 egg yolks or 2 T mayonnaise

2 garlic gloves

3 anchovy filets

Juice of one lemon

2 t Worcestershire sauce

2 t Dijon mustard

Salt and pepper, to taste

Method:

1.         In a blender, combine yolks, garlic, anchovies, lemon juice, Worcestershire  sauce, & Dijon & blend until smooth.

2.        Taste dressing, add salt and/or pepper, if necessary.

3.        Toss lettuce in dressing.

4.        Add cheese & croutons and toss, serve immediately.

Homemade Croutons

Ingredients:

1 loaf good quality bread, such as ciabbata, cubed

2 garlic gloves, finely minced

¼ c butter, melted

2 T extra virgin olive oil

1 t kosher salt

Method:

1.         Preheat oven to 400 degrees

2.        In a bowl, combine all ingredients until bread is evenly coated.

3.        Spread bread evenly on a baking sheet and bake about 10 minutes, tossing once half way through cooking.

Ingredients:

2 cups apples, cubed

2 cups walnuts, toasted & roughly chopped

1 cup dried cherries

2 cups celery, chopped

1 cup blue cheese, cubed

1 cup grapes, halved

½ cup red onion, sliced thin

6 oz. bib lettuce

2 cups chicken, cubed (optional)

For the Dressing:

1 cup Greek yogurt

Zest & juice of 1 lemon

1 T honey

1 t Kosher salt

½ t ground pepper

Method:

1.         Place cherries in a small bowl and cover with boiling water, let sit for 5 minutes & drain.

2.        To make the dressing, mix ingredients until smooth

3.        Combine all ingredients (except lettuce) in a large salad bowl & toss with dressing until evenly coated.

4.        Place lettuce on a serving plate and top with the mixed salad.

Chinese Chicken Salad

Ingredients:

10 cups Napa cabbage, shredded

2 cups carrots, shredded

1 cup cilantro, chopped

1 cup crispy wonton noodles

2 stalks of green onion

½ cup sliced almonds, toasted

2 cups shredded chicken

For the Dressing:

½ cup rice wine vinegar

2 t sesame oil

1 clove garlic

1 inch piece of ginger, peeled

¼ cup vegetable oil

1 T lime juice

1 T smooth peanut butter

Salt & pepper, to taste

Method:

1.         To make the salad dressing, combine all ingredients in a blender and pulse until smooth.

2.        Mix all ingredients together in a large salad bowl and add the dressing, tossing until evenly coated; serve immediately.

Waldorf Salad

Risotto alla Milanese Class at Whole Foods

Well, on July 21, I taught patrons at Whole Foods how to make Risotto alla Milanese, a recipe I adapted from my mother and grandmother. The class went really well, and my risotto was by far the best I've made (if I do say so myself!). Where's the pictures, you ask? I forgot. I'm sorry. I know, I know, you want pictures. Can you forgive me? OK, thanks. Anyway, here's the recipe, and it's damn good.

Ciapponi Risotto alla Milanese

Serves 8

Ingredients:

12 cups chicken stock

¼ tsp saffron threads

I lb mushrooms, sliced

2 garlic gloves, crushed

1 ½ cup unsalted butter

1 large onion, chopped

1 tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

4 cups aborio rice

1 glass dry white wine, such as pinot grigio

1 lb cooked chicken, shredded

2 cups Parmigiano Reggiano

Directions:

1.        In a large pot, bring chicken stock to a simmer over medium high heat. Do not boil.

2.       Once stock is simmering, remove 1 cup of stock, place in a small bowl and add saffron and cover.

3.       In a sauté pan set over medium heat, place mushrooms, 4 T butter and garlic. Sauté for 10-15 minutes, or until mushrooms are browned.

4.      In a wide-bottomed, rimmed pan set over medium heat, sauté onion, salt and pepper in 4 T butter until soft but not browned, about 15 minutes.

5.       Add rice and stir over medium to medium-high heat for about 5 minutes, or until the rice is translucent but not browned.

6.       Add the wine; reduce heat to medium, and cook, stirring, until most of the wine is evaporated.

7.       Ladle about 1 cup of simmering stock to rice, and stir until most of the stock is evaporated.

8.       Continue to ladle the stock into the rice 1 cup at a time, as you stir – almost constantly – to cook and bring the starch out of the rice, for about 20-25 minutes.

9.       After 20 minutes, taste the rice for doneness.

10.  Once cooked to your desired texture, vigorously stir in Parmigiano and remaining 4 T butter.

11.   Stir in the chicken and mushrooms.

12. Cover and let sit for 3-4 minutes, and serve immediately.

My First Cooking Class!!!

I've been preparing for this since I was five. As a child, after watching "Great Chefs", "The French Chef", "Yan Can Cook" & "The Frugal Gourmet" Saturday afternoons on PBS, I would reenact my own cooking show. I would stare into an imaginary camera and speak to my imaginary audience as I whipped up imaginary souffles or racks of lamb. My grandmother encouraged this love of cooking by having me by her side as she prepared fabulous food. She would also send me outside with cups of dry polenta, flour and salt, which I'd mix with grass, mud or water for hours, pretending I was a chef. I've always dreamed of having my own cooking show on Food Network. I've also concocted my own Emmy Awards acceptance speech...but I digress.

When I took my little ones to Whole Foods for a cooking class, imagine my joy when the the woman who worked for Whole Foods who was teaching the class told me I could teach my own! "Here's my chance", I thought. So, I scheduled my first class, and now it's actually going to happen...I cannot wait.

On the menu is an arranged antipasto platter, a version of my grandmother's simple romaine salad, cheesy garlic bread and lasagna. Did I mention I make some damn good lasagna? I'm not good at a lot of things, but cooking, I can do. And, for the record, my lasagna is really, really good. I hope to do my grandma proud :-)

Parmegiano Reggiano, Ciao!

I miss my grandma. And when I miss her, I yearn to cook. One of my favorite food memories of her is her minestrone. It'd appear on the table randomly, almost an afterthought. Always for lunch (dinner was reserved for heartier, meatier fare, for God's sake!), always on a weekday, after my cousins and I were lassoed in from the backyard. It's accompaniments were often romaine lettuce, simply dressed in oil (extra virgin stored in a tin container), red wine vinegar (the kind my cousins and I would sneak into the fridge and do "shots" of), salt and pepper...because that's all it needs. Sliced cantaloupe, and, maybe, a piece of spice cake adorned with orange zest-laced frosting would follow. So, tonight, I whipped up a batch. The instant the onions and carrots hit the heat of the pan, the smell of home fills the kitchen.

As I'm sauteing away, my mind drifts to the rind of Parmegianno resting in the cheese drawer of the refrigerator, waiting to fulfill it's destiny. The rind patiently waits, letting the nutty, salty cheese hog the spotlight for weeks, months. The rind knows, that when utilized properly, it can provide a delicious, distinct foundation of flavor to just about any soup. A cook in the know knows to never, ever throw that little nugget of love away. Once, I was without said rind, and needed it for a recipe. At Whole Foods, I ask the "cheese gal" if she had any rinds laying around. "No, sorry" was her reply. Weeks later, I noticed that Whole Foods was selling rind! My letter demanding a portion of the profit has yet to be answered.

The devil on my shoulder says "Go...get the rind. No one will know. It'll be so good." The angel on the other shoulder replies "Ah ah, missy! Wait just a minute! You know quite well that the rind is certainly not vegan! I fear it may not even be vegetarian! Exactly what kind of rennet is used to make that stuff? Hmm? HMMMMM?!?!?!"*

I give into my base, id-driven devil, and throw the rind into the pot and the baby out with the bathwater. Oh, by "baby", I mean any shred of self-discipline that remained within my being that day and by "bathwater", I mean my pride. In my mind, I rationalized, I justified, I put off will power for another day. Essentially, what I've always done that got myself into this not-so-petite body. 

The end result, of course, was fantastic. Not quite as good as my grandma's, but who's counting? The Parm MADE this soup. It's perfectly fine without it, but when you simmer the stuff with that rind....yum.

*Wow, I never would've guessed my angel was quite the passive-aggressive little Church Lady.

Grandma Jenny's Minestrone

3 T olive oil

1 medium onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 T Kosher or sea salt

1 1/2 t ground pepper

3 stalks celery, chopped

3 carrots, peeled and chopped

2 potatoes, peeled and chopped

1 t. dried oregano

2 dried bay leaves

1 can diced tomatoes

5 c vegetable stock

4 c dark greens (I use kale, but any will do)

1/2 lb small pasta (ditalini is what grandma used)

approximately 2"x4" parmegianno reggiano rind (optional)

1. In a large stock pot, saute onions, garlic, carrots, celery, potatoes in the olive oil (add the salt, pepper, oregano & bay leaves too) over medium heat until soft (about 10 minutes)

2. Stir in tomato & stock, raise heat to medium-high and bring to a light boil

3. Add greens, pasta & parm rind & cook until pasta is done, but the longer it sits, the better!









I've been a bad vegan

Um...I can say that the reason I haven't blogged in a long time is not only because I was busy moving across the country, but also because I've been too busy stuffing my face with cheese to type. I have a cheese addiction, and I've moved to Wisconsin. Big mistake. Huge. Cheese is a religion here; a way of life. And good Lord, do I commiserate. Since moving here, I have tried some of the best cheeses ever. So, I've justified in my mind allowing the cheese because I've kinda been in vacation-mode. This has, regrettably, shown in my waistline and daily choice to wear sweats. I need to face reality. I can't , just CAN'T be a vegan 100% of the time. Surprised? Didn't think so. I can easily be vegetarian...no sweat. I just love the queso WAY too much to send it packing permanently.

Anyway....

For good or bad, better or worse, I'm back in the bloggin' game.

Adventures in Wisconsin

I just returned from a home-scouting visit to the great land of cheese, otherwise known as Wisconsin. I ate more cheese in three days than I have in a year. I had curds of all kinds, five-year aged cheddar, smoked cheddar, a cheese-filled pepper, string cheese...it was a cornucopia of queso. I loved every minute of it (although my stomach cried "stop, please, I can't take anymore!"). The great people of Wisconsin show their love for the stuff in their thick bellies, cheese wedge hats and disdain for those damn "happy cows" we Californians claim ownership of.

I had an especially interesting encounter with a Wisconsinite who scared me a bit with his strong convictions against cheese produced outside of his home state. I was innocently wandering a grocery store's cheese isle (it was massive!) perusing their selection when the following scene played out:*

      
                                                                       PAM 
          Look over here, honey.
      
          Pam guides Jennifer to a case of shredded mozzarella.
     

JENNIFER         

       
           I don't see Tillamook cheese; it's one of my favorites. it's made in Oregon,"

          Jennifer delivers line thoughtfully thoughtfully while reaching for a garlic and dill flavored bag   of curds. 

                                                                        PAM

            Jim will love those!         
       

JENNIFER          

            I don't see any California cheese

           Jennifer innocently shrugs her shoulders.

      
           Que banjo music.

       
           With an angered look, a red-faced, round, overall-clad Wisconsinite turns his head around to see who just spoke

                                                             RED-FACED MAN
          
            (Sneering) Why on God's green earth would anyone want to eat cheese made in California?

JENNIFER           

            Well, I like Califor -

       
            Red-Faced Man's eyes narrow, and he grips the handle of his sausage, brat, whole milk,      white sandwich bread, cheese log-filled cart as if restraining himself. Pam grabs Jennifer's arm to stop her and looks her sternly in the eye, shaking her head.

            Red-Faced Man slowly wheels his cart away, and mutters incoherently under his breath.
            

RED-FACED MAN             

            Damned west coast fruit!


                                                                         END

*Events have been fictionalized for dramatic effect. 

      


           

          

         

Panaderia Paradise (also entitled: "Tito, you marry me?")

I love food. My dress size will confirm that. I have had dreams in which I was ferociously raiding a bakery. Well, my friends, last weekend, my dream came true. This wasn't just any old bakery, either. It was a panaderia. For those of you who are not aware of what a panaderia is, I will tell you. It's literal translation from Spanish to English is "house of baked fabulousness". Really. It is. OK, enough joking around, because panaderias are serious business. A panaderia is simply a Mexican bakery in which delicious sugar-and-fat-laden confections are served up in plentiful and inexpensive delightfulness. The most well-known (and a personal fave) is the concha (Spanish for "shell"). Conchas are large, fluffy, sugary, yet not too sweet buns with a crumbly top that mimics the look of a shell (hence, the name). They come in colors such as yellow, brown, white, and pink (the best one!). I love Mexican pastries; they are like kryptonite to me. I cannot resist.



A Display Case of Love

So, when my lovely friend Ariane invited me to a weekend at Disneyland (more on that food extravaganza later) which started at the panaderia of a family friend in Long Beach called Tito's Bakery, I was in speechless delight. We arrived at the bakery and were greeted with the smells of fresh bread, cake as well as a grill, serving up some of the best beans, rice and tacos I've ever eaten. If you ever find yourself anywhere near Long Beach, go there.    

Tacos al Pastor (pork marinated in pineapple juice and grilled)

 Yes, I ate pork. I hadn't done that in a while, but when it comes to food like this, one such as myself cannot resist. Of course, I didn't want to be rude, I simply had to eat what they served me!

Grillin' Up Some Meat!



At the end of our visit, we were invited to pick out as much pan dulce as we desired. We left for Disneyland carrying two very large overflowing bags of wonder. Oh, joy!

I said I wasn't gonna do it...

We just got back from the Fair. My mantra with regards to the fair this year was that it's too expensive (which it is) and I'd rather spend my money elsewhere (which I would). This, however, was impulse trip; the kind of trip I would make much more if I had an equally-impulsive husband. Thankfully, my hubbie - God love him - is about as impulsive as the Pope on Easter, so it ain't happenin'. My mom called saying you can get in for free if you bring in four canned food items for the local food bank. I did some mental calculations, and pondered the thought of being in the house with three stark-raving-mad children (it's been a long week), and said "what the hell, let's do it!" I am proud to say that I was in and out of the gate having dropped only $15, which is astounding to me. Usually, we've unloaded at least 60 bones prior to entering the joint.


So, there are several topics of interest I will discuss with regards to our outing. #1: the people (ay dios mio) #2: the food (deep-fried butter? Really?) #3: my children (they served up a healthy dose of whaaburger and french cries, for sure) OK, first thing's first. The people. OH MY GOD, Becky. The fair kicks up, and the freaks emerge from their dens. It's like they've cast the part of "fairgoer" as SNL characters. Lord forgive me, but these people were pretty damn strange. What did I see, you ask? Let's do a sample run-down: a woman in a top and, apparently, no pants, a man in overalls sporting a Santa beard, a woman in stilettos, mullets as far as the eye could see, gangstas wearing their colors out-loud-and-proud (along with their children, I may add)...shall I continue or do you get the gist? These people, by the way, were packed into the place like sardines. And it was hot. Not a good combination.  Now that I've damaged my karma for the next few weeks by talking major smack ("Major Smack" insert salute here..sorry, it's a "How I Met Your Mother" reference, couldn't resist), I will move on.


The food. Oh, fair food. It's very much a love/hate relationship I have with the stuff. Yeah, it's so incredibly baaaaaadddd. But, damn, it's soooooo goooood! I had one bite of my mom's funnel cake & I had to sit down for fear of swooning. The smells coming from the BBQ pit made me want to say "screw you, vegans!" and run up to the rotisserie pig and take a big, honkin' bite out of it's belly. The sight of a foot-long corn dog made my eyes glaze over. Being that this was my first time attending the fair as a quasi-vegan, I will share what I ate this year and what I've eaten - religiously - every other year I've gone. This year I had a cup of mixed fruit (including cucumber & jicima) with chili and lemon (a Mexican food staple here in Cali that I cannot resist). Period. If you know me, you're thinking "what the #$*@!! She's lost it! She's gone all 5150 on us!" You know what? I'm OK with it. Previous years, I have had the following, in order, with no wavering from one year to the next, since I was 18 (thanks to a-not-to-be-named-cousin-because-he-is-now-in-law-enforcement, for buying my beer before my 21st!): a beer, a beef stick, a piece of chocolate fudge, a beer, a corn dog, two soft tacos, a beer and, the piece de resistance, a cinnamon roll the size of my head. Oh, and one last beer. I'd go home, making a sometimes futile, attempt to keep from yacking my brains out. This is not to say that while whisking my daughter to the potty I didn't seriously contemplate making her wait while mommy purchased a pint of bud, but, let me tell ya, right now, I'm feeling no pain other than the ache of a long day and the exhaustion of caring for three crazed lunatics, otherwise known as my dear, precious children.


Which brings us to #3: the offspring. I informed the little hooligans that we will not be riding the rides at the fair today. Too expensive. Too stressful (those toothless carnies blasting ACDC tracks make me nervous). I was clear. I was precise. I was definite. Did that stop them from asking repeatedly to go on the rides? Of course not. Did they appreciate the fact that I carted their little booties to the fair when I had said I wouldn't? Nope. Did I, in a fit of frustration, tell that that if I behaved the way they were behaving when I was their age, I would've already had a spanking? Why, yes, I did. All idle threats aside, what is it with these kids? With the stuff they had out for kids to do there, as I kid, I would've piddled myself. I was happy just looking at the cows, let alone actually getting to milk them. Well, OK, they didn't actually get to milk a real cow, but they did get to milk a fake cow. Not that milking a cow is an amazing thing for kids, but, well....you get my point, right?


Yes, it was hot. Yes, it was laden with the crazies. Yes, my children on occasion made me want to pull my hair out. Did we, ultimately, have a good time? Take a look at the pics, and you be the judge.

Roo & Her Cousin Mitch

Acting the Fools

Paige Horfing Cotton Candy

Cantaloupe & Cotton Candy...Breakfast of Champions



My Delectable Fruit Cup



Ice Queen

So, since it's 95 degrees and mid-October, I'm still in "summer food" mode. Which means, I don't want to turn on the oven too much, and I want cool and/or light food. Less hot chocolate, more ice cream. My family all love love love ice cream, and I have a handy-dandy, perfect little ice cream maker, so I've taken to making a batch of homemade ice cream almost on a daily basis. The frozen canister for the ice cream maker gets more use than a groupie backstage at a Motley Crue concert. My husband treats the thought of a vegan diet much the same as he would a terrorist making an attempt to take away his God-given freedom. Thus, he - and the kids - get the traditional milk-based confection. I admit that I do give the stuff a taste, for quality control, of course. Oh, did I mention I have an ocean-front home for sale in Colorado? Anyway, for the most part, I make my own vegan version of the stuff. Don't have an ice cream maker, you say? Well, with summer a soon-distant memory, I'd imagine one can be found for a steal. Mine is a Cuisinart (the best-reviewed model by America's Test Kitchen (http://www.americastestkitchen.com/), which is my go-to for a lot of essential kitchen information), and was $50. Not bad, given that I'm able to make a batch of premium vanilla ice cream for under $2. If you eat as much ice cream as my family does, you'll recoup the cost in about a month (insert laugh here). The flavor combinations are endless (basically chuck whatever you want into the milk and sugar mixture), but my faves are here.

Traditional Vanilla Ice Cream

3 cups half-and-half (again, I'm like a broken record...I get mine at Costco for cheap!)
3/4 cups sugar (any will do, but I prefer raw or organic, unprocessed sugar)
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 pinch of salt (yes, I add a touch of salt. It enhances flavor.)

Whisk half-and-half and sugar until sugar is dissolved, add vanilla and salt, pour into ice cream maker, and let her rip (take a look at your maker's instructions for the fine print details)

Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

3 cups half-and-half
3/4 cups sugar
1 teaspoon real peppermint extract (good quality extract is the key to amazing ice cream. Go to Whole Foods (http://www.wholefoods.com/) and buy it there...it makes all the difference)
1 cup chopped bittersweet chocolate (or chocolate chips in a pinch)
1 pinch of salt

Follow directions for vanilla ice cream above, adding the chocolate at the last five minutes of freezing in the maker.

Vegan Chocolate Coconut Ice "Cream"

3 cups rice milk (or almond, soy, hemp...whatever revs your engine)
3/4 cup raw sugar or agave syrup
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 cup unsweetened dry coconut
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 pinch of salt

Whisk milk and sugar until sugar dissolves (or, if using agave, until both are incorporated), add cocoa powder, coconut, vanilla and salt. The cocoa is gonna fight you on mixing in, just beat the hell out of it, and let the ice cream maker do the rest...it'll soon give in and join the party.